The great butt dimple debacle

I am a piece of meat. A juicy piece of meat to be poked and prodded and salivated over by ravenous animals. Nah, just kidding. I’m a human being. Though that’s not as much fun for the aforementioned slobbering idiots.

Harassment is a hot topic lately. At least I think it is because I’ve read a couple headlines and memes and whatnot. And THIS. So let me rephrase: W. Kamau Bell and I think harassment is a hot topic lately. As a living and breathing woman this day and age, I’ve encountered some of this nonsense, and boy I’ve encountered some doozies!

Let me tell you, I’m usually a pretty enthusiastic audience. I’m just fascinated with these guys and what they deem appropriate to say to a strange woman. Oh, I’m a cunt? It’s about time someone was honest with me. Let’s go have some coffee. Oh, I’m a 6? Thanks, dreamlover. Here are the keys to my motel room. I’d love to shrink to the size of a protozoon and hop into a microscopic spaceship and blast off into the inner workings of their brain. What would I find? Probably not much more than a panda playing the cymbals, random posters of boobs and a shitty Van Halen song wheezing on the gramophone. I apologize: shitty Van Halen song is an oxymoron. 

I work part time as a bartender at a small brewpub. Which in men’s minds means that I engraved invitations and sent one to each and every one of them and they read: You are cordially invited to make ridiculous comments about my body and face and/or compare me to other women in the bar or in the entertainment industry. Please RSVP to hoot and holler inappropriately while I bend over to retrieve something I’ve accidentally dropped.  I look forward to being objectified by you while I do my job!

No joke, the other day, two grown ass men were trying to argue with me about whether or not I had dimples on my butt. Seriously. Butt. Dimples. I wanted to barf on the bar and then brush it nonchalantly into their chinos. If I worked at an establishment called Twin Peaks or something, then by all means, let’s also discuss the circumference of my nipples. But no, I don’t work at Twin Peaks. They wouldn’t hire me on account of the circumference of my nipples.


7 thoughts on “The great butt dimple debacle

  1. My brain is constantly playing Def Leppard hits. I’m reasonably sure that there is a variance between mongoloids, dudes, bros, and hipsters though. Thank you for your entertaining thoughts.

      • Protozoons… Uh protozoans exist and are quite more advanced than hairless apes. Paramecium for instance are very cordial to their mates. Then again they dont have butts nor sexes at all but during conjugation you’ll never hear them making off comments on each others micronucleus sizes! Curse mankind! If dick Portillo ran this boat we all would have huge butts!

  2. Here is my latest brew pub comments. “you really looked so much better when your husband was in the hospital! Wow those lbs are coming back fast!” Really?

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