Women be crazy

Let me tell you what. Women are catty and snobby and bitchy and judgmental. And slutty. Although some are better than others at hiding the sluttiness. [Almost] every gal has a tiny stripper inside of her just waiting to emerge, like a butterfly from a chrysalis, to be objectified by assholes in various color Dockers and sport coats. Have you ever noticed that? If you doubt me, try this experiment: rent a party bus, fill it with 15 of your girlfriends and a case of ice cold Bartles & James, jam some Pitbull up in there and observe. Bitches be swinging from those poles in no time. Now where are those assholes in the sport coats when you need them?

Now I’m not judging, everyone needs to let loose once in a while. But that got me thinking, if your average chick goes turbo-slut at party time, what do strippers do to have a good time? I can’t imagine they’d want to grind on poles to Top 40 hits; they don’t want to take their work home with them. Susie from accounting doesn’t hop on Quickbooks on Friday night to unwind. (Or does she?)

Now I haven’t done any formal research, but I figure they play bridge. Or pinochle. They sit around mahogany tables, play some card games, eat healthy snacks and discuss politics. They trade a few recipes and call it a night at a reasonable hour. For some reason while I’m imagining this scene, the poker playing dogs come to mind. Those dogs were pretty serious about poker. And even better at sitting upright in chairs.

poker dogs

Dude, I hate when Benji goes all in before the flop

 

In this age of camera phones and tablet cameras and spy gadget lipstick cameras and toaster cameras, think of your future. Next time you want to let loose, take a tip from a stripper. Toss an extra cinnamon stick in your mulled wine and cue up a documentary about the life and times of Al Gore. Your dignity, your future self, your inner thighs and strippers everywhere will thank you.

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