I say that I have ADD. Parts of me actually believe that to be true. But do I, really? Maybe not. Have I been tested and diagnosed by a medical professional? No. Do I plan on ever being tested by a medical professional? Probably not. Am I asking myself questions and then answering them? Yes. I am a human Magic 8 Ball. It is decidedly so.
I’m convinced (and this is going to get me into a world of shit) I’m convinced that some labels are just bullshit. Just excuses. Nobody wants to just admit they are a jerk, so they find a convenient label to excuse their jerk-off behavior. I have a hard time concentrating on things that aren’t super shiny and sexy, but I don’t necessarily suffer from ADD. In all likelihood I’m just an asshole. BUT it’s hard for me and people in general to face facts and say maybe I’m just wired this way. Maybe it’s not a medical disorder; this is just my crappy personality. And there isn’t jack anyone can do about it. Come on, people. Take responsibility for your douchebaggery.
It doesn’t stop with ADD. How many self-proclaimed kleptomaniacs are just little rat bastards who want a new pair of earrings? Or hypoglycemics who are just really lazy and emotionally unstable? It seems like people need to brand every little thing that may be wrong with them. Do you get an itty-witty tummy ache after eating a loaf of Wonder Bread? It just might not be a gluten allergy, smartypants; you probably just have a shitty diet and no willpower. Take it from me – I’ve eaten an entire bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in one sitting. And it was glorious. Until it wasn’t.
Nobody can blame us for being this way. We are all a product of our environment. Our Google-WebMD-Yahoo-Instastuff-FaceSpace-YouTubes-Bullcrap environment. There are no more questions, no more mysteries. Everything we want to know is instantly accessible, whether it’s true or not. Unless we have to wait a minute or two while our tiny, handheld device beams information through time and space, like some sort of science fiction shit. Then we’re pissed, because we want it NOW. In this world, we all have Lupus or AIDS or Bipolar Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. In this world, we all NEED to know what color we are or what Walt Disney film we are. We comb through Buzzfeed lists in search of evidence that there are others like us out there. OMG this is so me! I, like, totally recognize myself in these gifs. Is this necessarily a bad thing? Are we becoming ridiculously huge basketcases?! I’d better take an internet quiz to find out.